NDP 08

I wasn't mad keen to go the the National Day Parade 2008. I had an offer of 2 tickets for myself and the Merlioness but she had other commitments and the real fun from such events is the snipping cynical chit-chat with a soul-mate. Going alone sounded like a barrel of laughs without the laughs. What tipped the decision was when I mentioned I might go and the locals reacted with amazement that I had manage to chope tickets (where was I getting them from?); it's a lottery, literally. You apply in advance and only a few get tickets, which are then valuable and can be (illegally) traded or sold on eBay. That was it; in the interests of investigative journalism, I had to go.

The NDP is a stage show at Marina Bay (where the Merlion is). A fixed seating stand looking out into the bay with a huge floating pontoon as the stage. Since the show includes a major firework show and the event is pitched as a national birthday party, the whole downtown area becomes one big party and is the most crowded it ever gets. I was warned that getting away at the end would be difficult and that security would be tight.

Undeterred, I turned up reasonably on-time (you were asked to be seated at 4:45pm) but the huge queues, poor signage for ticket holders and then a full baggage X-ray and magnetic pat-down made entry to the stands a +20min trudge with some less-than good natured sharp elbowing from the 5' 2" Chinese grannies (I was shoved off the path at one point as she caught my natural shift of weight in a move that would have drawn praise from a Judo sensei). No canned drinks allowed in and the tickets said not to bring big bags as they would slow down inspection.

You were also encouraged to wear red so you get whatever red T-shirt people have in their closet. Ex McDonalds uniforms, corporate events, and some made for the event. One chap had "Jesus is here, all of the time" which was neatly balanced by the lady 2 rows in front of me who just had "Satan" written on the back. We all ended up wearing red anyway because 15mins in, it started to drizzle, persistently and sooner or later, everyone was wearing the thin, red, plastic disposable rain cape from the free goodie bag.

It was free seating and as I was at the tail end, I was high up at the back (a better location in my opinion). Stage has huge video screens and music and odd videos were already playing to keep the crowd amused. I pulled out the iPod and a book.

The show started, literally, with a few fire bangs and the 5 MC's dressed in bright, individual coloured jump suits arrived at the front by quad-bike. All the MCs throughout spoke only English and tried to get the lacklustre crowd going with sectored cheering contests. I swear we were only a hair-breadth away from "Give us an S!".

Entry included a sponsored Goodie bag and this was a good time for a rummage; I was thirsty. Full inventory was:

An outer paper carrier bag with shoulder strap and inner pocket with postcard. Inner nylon bag containing:
Carton of Isotonic drink.
Carton of Soya milk.
Plastic bottle of Newater.
Bag of Hot & Spicy Prawn Crackers.
Bag of Cracker Crunch mixed nuts.
Halls Mini Mints (2of).
Baseball cap, white/red with NDP08 logo and battery plus flashing stars lights.
Inflatable hand glove (with battery and lights).
Singapore flag (8x6") on short stick with detachable desk stand.
100-page discount coupon book.
Temporary tattoos (Singapore flag, "Shine Singapore", and 2 lines of stars).
Plastic rain cape.
Packet of tissues.
Packet of Wet wipes.
Bottle of AXE brand universal oil (for colds and headaches).
Magnetic bookmark / fridge magnet (with instructions for flattening Tetrapak cartons on the back)
1 White paper clip.
1 Red paper clip.
Plastic rubbish bag
Lucky Draw Ticket for "Bag It to Win It"

At this point, the MCs asked us to pull out the plastic "spinner" from under our seats (image 10" petals around a shaft which unfurls into a flat flower head). Because most were red with some white ones, if everyone held them up and spun then, they spelled out the event's slogan "Shine Singapore" for the camera on the helicopter.

Then the show proper got going. About 30mins in, it would become a live TV broadcast to 18 nations but first some warm-up acts.

1. Music/dance routine with massed school choir accompanying wheelchair+able-bodied dance partners. Mainly jive steps given the limited hand-hand contact points.
2. Music/dance by massed crowd of people dressed in waistcoats that made them look like the guys with paddles that park aeroplanes.
3. Pair of paragliders (red chutes) vaguely hover stage left.

Then the show cut live so insert a load of MCs shouting about cheering and spinning the flower things.

4. Song
5. Bayshow on the water: Jet skis dragging wake boarders, then Jet skis dragging stunt kites, then 2 F1 power boats, them final parade of all of them
6. MPs arrive all dressed in white, take seats.
7. Ten skydivers from helicopter (about 2000ft) so pretty quick, for soft landing on front of stage. Pretty good with only one wipe-out landing ("he's Okay" says the MC but he'll get a right thumping from his mates back at base).
8. Military band with rifle twirling, then formed into characters "NDP08" and stayed there.
9. Inflated plastic balloons released at top of stands with sector race to get them to the MCs at the stage.
10. Song and dance: "Home" translated and sung in Tamil.
11. Ministers arrive, take seats
12. Song and dance: "My Island Home" sung this year in Mandarin
13. Prime Minister arrives in white Merc at front.
14. Song and dance: "We Are Singapore" sung in English
15. President arrives in (same) white Merc, takes acknowledgment from Parade Master, inspects front ranks on foot (cue artillery shell salute), then into the "Ceremonial Land Rover" for a drive around the rest of the massed ranks. [Note, it's no LR that I know of, probably an Indian Tata vehicle quickly re-branded as LR since they bought it from Ford a few months ago]
16. Black Knights acrobatics. Really disappointing since they've been practising over my house for weeks and they only did 4 or 5 things with lousy commentary. The easy stuff (head to head fly past) got wows from the crowed, but the cool one (a tight inside turn then vertical climb, all on full afterburner) was unappreciated. Plus, the intended re-broadcast of the inter-pilot radio chatter was just static, and was the only AV failure of the event). Shame.
17. Dance show with balloons (lit from the inside) dragged around the bay by boats.
18. Parade of floats with a wave/boat/sail theme
19. Then a series of song/dance acts that I couldn't be bothered to write down. Some better than others, some by schools, one by the Soka Association (Buddhists).
20. Fireworks from barge in the bay. Not bad. I'm highly critical of fireworks as I've seen some suberb shows and most are pretty feeble given the expertise and costs involved ($100k doesn't buy much). One green starbust blew up on the barge which I thought was spectacular but was probably alone in even noticing.
21. MCs, videos, fireworks, yadda, yadda.

I left to try and get a jump on the crush to leave. I did leave ahead of 97% of the crowd but that just meant I joined the throngs around the event earlier than most. The entrance to City Hall MRT was closed due to over-crowded right in front of me, so I took a path of lesser resistance and walked away from the MRTs and met up with the Merlioness later on. By 10:30, the trains were empty. Result!

All in all, I'm glad I went. It's easy to snipe at such nationalistic displays and they were really pushing for multi-racial, politically correct, inclusive harmony and continued success; reasonable given the swamp-to-city transformation they have achieved in 43 years.

The NDP site is broken this morning, probably by people trying to see if their trash bag won the "Bag It to Win It" prize. And there's a true lesson for working with Singaporeans; if you want them to do something, make it a competition with a prize.

Eats Shoots and Exits by the Left Door

This tale combines Singapore's famously high investments in public transport with the subtleties of language and the idiocy of crowds. The current MRT network has 3 lines feeding the central business district (CBD) from outlying areas. A new line under construction, the Circle Line, will go around the CDB at a decent distance and hence permit non-CDB routes. The Circle Line crosses the existing lines, in this case, the North-South line at Bishan.

The designers of the MRT system do a pretty good job of arranging the interchanges so a change from the North-South to the East-West line (at City Hall and Raffles) is just a matter of crossing the platform. Similarly, the new Circle Line interchange is arranged alongside so a North-South train will have platforms on both sides.

Bishan has been a construction site for months and the steady completion of the new platform has been visible from the train, providing a voyeuristic viewpoint akin to fish in a tank.

At the weekend, they flipped over; the train doors open on the new, Circle Line side while they refurbish the old platforms. It's temporary, so the train driver (probably called a Service Captain) does the announcement live:

Please exit the train through the left doors.

The Merlioness reports that on Sunday, while making this journey, the announcement caused everyone to get off the train, wait an awkward few seconds to realise the mistake, then got back on. To be fair, an Indian family stayed sat down and I think the fact they weren't kicked off (as is done when trains reach the terminus) confirmed their mistake to the crowded platform. It depends where you put the stress. If you said

Please EXIT the train through the left doors.

everybody gets off, whereas the meaning is

Please exit the train through the LEFT doors.

Unbearable Tightness of Being

Today's Today paper carried a letter from a commuter who witnesses a minor altercation at an MRT station. All but one of the stations have lifts to access the platform level for accessibility of wheelchair users, those with luggage, push chairs, the infirm, and so on. In this case, it seems many were jostling for the lift:

"On my way to work on Friday, I got off the train at Tanjong Pagar MRT station to the sound of a man in a wheelchair shouting on the platform.

I realised that he was addressing the people in and outside the lift who were not making way for him to enter, and gesticulating at the able-bodied commuters around him to use the stairs and escalators."

I use the MRT lifts occasionally; all, or certainly most, stations have escalators in the UP direction but platforms are long and if you come out of the train next to the lift, why walk along to use the stairs?

This chap decided to have a go:

When I approached a train security attendant and told her what was going on, her reply was: "He should wait, there are many customers, you know."

I'm not surprised, and have written about the non-gracious Singapore. But I spy 2 elements to this incident.

First is the unwillingness of the MRT staff to help out. I put this down to simple fear of one person with little authority trying to chide a small crowd; you're as likely to get shouted at yourself as Singaporeans are feisty and quick to fight back.

Second is a widespread lack of compassion for the weak. From the top down, the policy is resilient self-sufficiency. Getting old and need money for medical care? Keep working. Singaporeans are not all heartless sods but it's a busy city and most people are in a self-absorbing rat race.

The poor chap in the wheelchair would be better off fitting spiked bumpers to the front and powering forward into the crowd. He'd be more respected for his fighting spirit than to sit there and plead for consideration due to infirmity.

Confused about Two Wheels

The Today paper carried a letter about 2 cyclists being bullied and harassed by a bus and I can imagine it happening. I'm one of a handful of cyclists who actually use the road instead of the pavement (as per the law) but it's no easy choice and the whole thing is full of contradictions.

Legally, bicycles must use the road and must behave like pedestrians in other circumstances, so you should dismount and push the bike when using crossings or pavements. Rule 28 of Road Traffic Rules: "No vehicle, except perambulators, shall be driven, parked or ridden on the footway of a road." These laws are never enforced. My local police station (more of a booth, manned part-time) is next to a big intersection. They are obviously not on any kind of quota system because they could be super-cops in 10mins of traffic enforcement (Road Traffic Act, section 127, point 3 gives them the power to detain on sight).

The authorities know the situation. Anyone who has stood at a main junction sees the whole pantomime playing out. The LTA installed traffic cameras at many intersections. Not huge spy jobs with infra red lamps but those small dome types you see on the ceilings of shops and buildings, so they're unobtrusive but they will give a clear colour image of what everyone is doing, motorists and pedestrians alike. Buses are getting forward-facing cameras to catch cars using bus lanes (like London transport does to issue automatic fines).

The Government ran a trial last year in Tampines (said TAM pea nez) of bicycles using pavements. I did a double-take when I read it. Yes, an actual formal trial with surveys and analysis of results. Since everyone already rides on the pavements and paths, it's unsurprising that the results show a collective shrug with most people either entirely ignorant of the experiment (and hence seeing no change) or accepting the status quo.

Singapore has put quite a bit of effort into creating linear parks, park connectors and cycle paths. It reminds me a bit of Milton Keynes which uses the linear parks along side all the trunk roads to create a vast, connected mesh of pedestrian and cycle paths so you can cycle from one side of the city to another without needing to go onto the roads. Now Singapore is nowhere near that advanced but they are trying to retrofit something similar.

The LTA has a trial permitting fold-up bicycles on buses and trains. There's a boring set of rules to do with times, bike size and covering dirty or pointy parts but the idea is workable when the trains are not at peak occupancy (when it's hard to push onto a train it's so full). [Note, I haven't seen anyone with a bike on a train yet but give it time.]

So the various Government departments are making all the right noises about green, healthy, sustainable, joined-up transport, but it falls flat on its face when you try to actually follow the rules. I've been menaced by a bus (no big deal and not like the above story). I've been hit by bikes while walking along the pavement. There's no incentive or protection for doing the right thing.

Here's a few suggestions in lieu of enforcing the current laws:

• Create cycle lanes on roads
• Use the bus' bus-lane enforcement cameras to enforce bullying of bikes by bus drivers
• Create more cycle racks at stations. Put weather covers and security cameras up.
• Formally train youngsters in road use and safety.

PC Show and Tell

PC Show: Day 2. Short version: the Apple reseller quoted the wrong price (they applied the discount to a non-sale model) and wouldn't budge so I didn't buy anything. I can get cheaper (or higher spec for the same money) via the build-to-order system. Bummer as the mental processes leading to a GO decision were long. Never mind, maybe I'll just get one anyway having managed to commit already.

I did buy a big Samsung monitor as a consolation prize; S$100 off plus a Bluetooth headset and a Samsung Beijing Olympics Swatch-style watch. Who could resist? Despite assurances, the Bluetooth ear piece does have a blue flashing LED and is truly Nathan Barley-esque. Why is it that for years we made curvy hearing aids out of flesh-coloured plastic, but mobile phone headsets are black & angular with blue lights?

The freebies were technically from Samsung itself, not the distributor, so you pay for the monitor, they put it on a not-too-crappy metal trolley for the journey home, then you take the receipt and (dragging the huge box through the throng) go to the official Samsung redemption counter where they validate the purchase, take your signature and IC number then hand over the freebies.

This is the way in Singapore; redemption counters for freebies. As a rule, there are only 2 reasons Singaporeans will join (and stay) in a long queue; betting shops and lottery ticket sales. A temporary third case is gift redemption counters. The Asus counter was outside the main hall doors and so their line (mainly laptop purchasers) snaked across the doors and off down almost past the toilets causing a congested knot that the event stewards simply ignored. Safety and crowd control was invisible, if not absent.

I was curious, given the supposedly heightened security stance these days, whether I could take a huge, heavy box onto the MRT? Yes, no problem at all. Passing security is all about fitting in; making it look like you belong. The guy who gate-crashed the Oscars in 2006 gave this advice afterwards:

"Show up at the theater, dressed as a chef carrying a live lobster, looking really concerned."

If anyway wanted to take something bulky and illegal onto a train, say for the sake of example, Durian fruit, use a big cardboard box with "HP Laserjet Printer" and board the train at City Hall (closest station to Funan IT) or Bugis (closest to Sim Lim).

The scary videos they run on MRT platforms show a shifty young man, wearing a baseball cap carrying a black holdall. But no-one wears baseball caps, or hats at all. No sports logos on the bag? Unlikely. Rather, just use a standard pull-along suitcase and get on the East-West line towards Changi. You'll fit right in.

Back to the big monitor. It looks great but I've run out of desk space and intend to put it on an arm. They claimed it takes the standard bracket. Turns out it's the other standard bracket so I spent all day today traipsing 'round trying to find the right part but no joy yet. Still, more screen than desk is what we call in the trade a "high quality problem".

The warranty card is a doozy. Apparently, for the warranty to be valid I need to return the card within 7 days, filled out with e-mail address, name, address, DOB, IC number, home phone, office phone, mobile phone, postcode, education level, salary band, occupation, and such marketing gems as what I think of Samsung as a brand and a list of every Samsung product I own or might own in the next year. I'm toying between giving up and fabricating farcical data. It's beyond the pale but I bet many locals dutifully fill these things in. There just isn't the same sense of outrage at loss of privacy and firms take advantage.

A more PC Singapore

Minor bit of excitement has made its way around on the calender; the 18th annual Singapore PC Show, one of the 3 significant shows in the year (others are the IT Show and SITEX). It's at the downtown Suntec convention centre which means being herded like milk cows around the insufficient escalators up to the main exhibition floors (4 and 6). Yesterday, they had blocked off one of the 4->6 escalators and with a 50yard queue for the remaining one, it was faster to go down to 3 and then back up to 4, then 6. It's a badly designed building run by fools. The Expo out at Changi airport is much better for space and access.

The Show runs Thursday through Sunday, noon until 9pm daily and about 15% of the Singapore population, men, women, children and geeks will attend. I took the opportunity to go early on Thursday which was tolerable being a lone, able-bodied male. Why families with push-chairs and children attend is beyond me. There was one wheelchair user who struck me as particularly brave - for one thing he's low down; you can't see him (he needs a pole and a flag) and anything that wide simple makes no progress. His tactic was to motor forward, very very slowly and persistently but it can't be easy or fun.

The reason the show is so popular is because Singaporeans love a bargain, and we are officially in the middle of the GSS, the Great Singapore Sale which
runs for about 2 months, from mid-May. I haven't bothered to mention it (and didn't even notice it last year) because it isn't what you think. Sure there are banners and window dressing but actually, prices are not much different. Think if it as a retail marketing exercise, not a price promotion. Example: Courts (big electrical retailer like Currys or Comet) has yellow "Mega Sale" stickers on everything, yet closer inspection shows they list the price and in small lettering the original price, if different. Quick review of the kitchen section shows maybe 1 in 10 items at reduced price.

The PC show is similar. Retailers use it to clear stock and offer targeted discounts to generate buzz. For small shops, you could have negotiated the 10% discount. For larger stores, careful shopping around would yield similar reductions in many cases.

This year's show seems smaller, or more precisely, there seems to be more space - gaps between stands. Asking around, they have culled some of the smaller, less reputable retailers and focused on the big brand names. That's a bit of a shame as some of the little guys are fun. The iRobot vacuum cleaner stand is there, as is the Mini Sun power saver "plug in the box and reduce your electricity bills". Sounds like snake oil but it does work (long story which I might relate sometime).

Unusually, the Apple retailer is actually knocking some money off this year (a first) by throwing in a RAM upgrade. I'm in the middle of checking my bank account balance as that's a deal I can't match even with an old staff discount I could use. So I face the prospect of going back today (Fri) with a luggage trolley to tote away a huge box or two.

The big box retailers, HP, Brother, etc, will sell PCs and printers with a free, crappy plastic trolley to get the goods home. You see people streaming away from the show with them, struggling down escalators and onto the MRT. Which raises an interesting security question. Normally, people with large luggage are stopped at stations for a security check (terrorism and all that) but for the next 3 days, you could tote 25kgs of whatever you want onto a train with nary a raised eyebrow.

High Crimes and Misdemeanors

I know what treason means, it's actions disloyal to your country, but sedition is different; it's actions to destabilise or foment opinion against the Government. Wikipedia defines it thus:

"Put simply, sedition is the stirring up of rebellion against the government in power. Treason is the violation of allegiance to one's sovereign or state and has to do with giving aid to enemies or levying war. Sedition is more about encouraging the people to rebel, when treason is actually betraying the country."

The reason I'm explaining this is because Singapore has a sedition law and it's getting used against people who publish on the Internet, ie, bloggers. The latest was Tuesday; a Chinese man was arrested and had computer equipment seized for a blog post 2 months ago. Unfortunately for him, someone actually read it and linked to it on a popular socio-political blog (tomorrow.sg) saying how stupid this guy was. Then people complained. Then the police turned up.

So what did he say? It was an unnecessary, ignorant, crude tirade about a guy sitting on the floor of an MRT carriage. Where he got into trouble was that he stated and taunted the guy's race so he potentially fell foul of Section 3(e)

"(e) to promote feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races or classes of the population of Singapore"

Previous cases of sedition include (from the ST article):

• April 2008: Ong Kian Cheong, 49, and wife, Dorothy Chan Hien Leng, 44, charged under Sedition Act and Undesirable Publications Act for allegedly distributing evangelistic publication that cast Prophet Muhammad in negative light.
• 2006: 21-year-old accounts assistant given stern warning for putting up offensive cartoon of Jesus on a blog.
• 2005: 27-year-old man becomes first since 1966 to be jailed (for a month) for posting racist comments online. In connected case, 25-year-old given day's jail and fined maximum $5,000. Later that year, 17-year-old blogger given probation.

As an Englishman, this feels very strange. Robust personal speech in England is not protected by a constitution as in America but having an angry, both-barrels rant doesn't feel like a criminal offense. I haven't read the full blog post (he has already deleted it and plans to write an apology) but I don't see incitement or a subversive intent. If he was a Hollywood celebrity, he would issue a written apology, check into rehab then tearfully repent on Oprah. Better to shun intolerance; gagging the source is at best unimaginative, and at worst, generates publicity.

England has not had race riots in recent memory (unless you count Brixton and Toxteth?) whereas Singapore has (1964) and the Government is determined to not just create but enforce a peaceful, multi-racial society. The issue of public expression is contemporary with the British Government's attempt to frame a Racial Hatred law so strict that comedy clubs would have to close due to lack of source material.

Only last week, the Singaporean Government wrote in response to an open letter from a group of prominent bloggers that its regulatory light touch of the Internet was clearly working and is now open to an even lighter-touch regime. So far, it's all sledgehammers and crushed nuts.

So I started off a teensy bit smug that England doesn't have or need a law on sedition but the Internet is turning every home into a printing press (which must be registered in Singapore) and the legal balance between this new-found public expression and social responsibility is in flux.

Vesak

Monday is a public holiday in Singapore, Vesak Day, (also known as Wesak) is the "Buddha's birthday"; it's not really his birthday, more a combination of his birth, subsequent enlightenment and final nirvana (achieved by death). Tagging the celebration as a birthday should be considered a Western cultural influence and possibly a simplification of the complexity of Indian subcontinent's spiritual narratives.

Travelers may face congestion with the ICA warning on Thursday to expect the two border checkpoints over to Malaysia to be extra busy as many people head off home or for a short break over the long weekend. On the plus side, the trains will run all night Sat and Sun.

Singapore and Malaysia set the date as the 15th day of the 4th lunar month, and since Chinese New Year was 7th Feb 2008, so Vesak is ~22nd May 2008. In keeping with the Buddha's teachings and way of life, Vesak is perhaps the quietest of the public holidays as Buddhists don't go around setting fire to things, letting off fireworks, having lavish parties or other such excesses. Instead, there will be events at temples, charitable works, readings of sutras, modest vegetarian meals and compassionate behavior. Ommmmmmmmmmmm.

Manners Squad

Stereotypes about Japan are many, just look at their trains; guards wear white gloves, platform "packers" push you onto crowded carriages and then etiquette squads patrol the cars to shame fit, seated people to stand up for the infirm. It's all true, although the last one about good manners patrols is new.

Of course, declining social graces are not confined to Japan, they just take it more seriously; a respect agenda is a verb, not a slogan. In Singapore, mobile phones, iPods and PSPs (PlayStation Portable game consoles) are the self-absorption tools of choice for the determined sitter. Newspapers like the Today freebie are handy last-minute substitutes. Snoozing is good but heads lolling over onto your neighbour is extremely bad here, whereas in Japan it would be understood and tolerated more. So remember: "fake sleep good, real sleep bad".

Singapore has had a seemingly endless stream of public education schemes. In 1969 they launched the "Queue up at the bus stops" campaign and there is an official Singapore Kindness charity that does school events and posters in libraries I think. In 2001 they subsumed the National Courtesy Campaign that launched in 1979. MRT trains have advertising on the outsides and a couple have the current slogan "Practise courtesy for a pleasant journey" down the sides.

So would Smile-Manner squads work in Singapore? No. The Japanese system is voluntary and requires the seated target to have a sense of shame that can be tapped. There are MRT seats designated for the infirm (called Silver Seats in Japan) but the few people who do stand up do so out of empathy such as a woman standing for a mother and baby. There might be a racial bias as well - Chinese making way for a Chinese. Getting a seat is a prize to be fought for and congratulates the occupant on their good fortune and guile.

No, I watch as self-absorbed people heedlessly push onto trains, past those alighting and rush for seats & I laugh. My style now is to wait until everyone else gets on then saunter on last and stand the whole way. Better for the leg muscles & karmic balance.

Little Darlings

Pop quiz: scenario is an older Malay woman, a middle aged Chinese mother and her 10 year old son board a train and there's one free seat. Who gets to sit down?

Answer: in Singapore, it's the kid. Mums rush onto carriages and point out seats where their children can sit down. They even encourage them to go right up to the doors and run in past the alighting passengers and find seats. Nobody ever complains about this behavior.

It's a cultural, generational inversion. The old(er) are respected for their contribution to the past, but the young are revered for their role in the future, particularly for their potential earning power. Kids have it tough at school, and the pressure to succeed at examinations, move up to better schools and achieve scholorships is intense. But their elevation to Dauphin at the expense of common courtesy baffles me. They sit there fidgeting with energy while work-weary travelers slump into corners.

The MRT trains are running a campaign at the moment with several trains emblazoned their whole length with the tagline "Practise courtesy for a pleasant journey". It would appear courtesy is strictly relative.

Bend over to Pay

Starhub (a cable and mobile operator) has joined up with EZlink for a mobile payment scheme where you can use a special mobile phone (with a near field communications - NFC) chip to pay at trains, buses, libraries, and so on. SingTel is working on a similar trial with slightly different technology but same result.

I see a problem - it's a 'near field' system; you have to touch the phone to the reader, say at a bus exit door, on a station turnstile or on a counter top. How are you going to do this while using the phone?

I foresee comical gymnastics at MRT turnstiles and buses as people nod down with their heads to pay while talking, trying to look out of the corner of their eyes to check the display.

Of course, many people have the dreaded hands free style where people hold their phones near their heads and talk in a semi-handsfree mode. If you've ever been on the receiving end of this style you would have wondered why the caller always seemed to be standing on a busy railway platform, such is the background noise. Or maybe it will trigger greater use of those farcical Bluetooth wireless headsets (a la Nathan Barley). Whatever, it should be fun to watch.

Constant State of Suspicious Alertness

It's tough for the Singaporean Government to get the populace excited about terrorism. Basically, there isn't any. It's true that their political alliances with mainstream Western states might make them a soft target for Indonesian Muslim extremists - it just doesn't feel likely. Even the story of the local lawyer trying to go to a training camp in Pakistan was shocking as much for its strangeness than the threat.

So the problem facing the Government is how to create a constant state of suspicious alertness without actually alarming anyone. Their approach is one of straight shock-value.

For example, the extremely graphic videos shown on MRT platforms complete with a dodgy character leaving a bag on the train, getting off and then punching numbers into a mobile phone followed by an explosion superimposed over a train going into a tunnel. Then montages of the Madrid and London attacks. Really, it's X-rated stuff.

Signs around the MRT stations proudly proclaim the number of CCTV cameras in operation. Many stations have TVs at the turnstiles showing the CCTV feed (good for spotting receding hairlines). They've deployed retired Indian guys with clipboards at the turnstiles to question anyone coming though with bulky luggage. My security check proceeding like this when he approached mumbling something and gesturing at my pull-along suitcase:

Me: Sorry?
Man: Luggage?
Me: Yes, luggage
Man: Okay

I believe that's called passenger profiling. I suspect this form of awareness campaign has the unintended consequence of making Singaporeans more fearful of traveling (and working!) abroad. And that hurts the national business plan.

Kiasu Or What Lah?

Kiasu is an Hokkien adjective meaning fear of losing, although before I read up on the word, I would have defined it as "pushy, edgy". It's been called a uniquely Singaporean national characteristic but I've worked in China and they have something very similar. It's described as pejorative because of its negative connotation but locals will freely acknowledge it so I would say it's just an accurate description.

One widespread expression of kiasu is a keen interest in offers, cheap deals, gifts, vouchers, discounts, lower interest rates, investment schemes, stock trading, lotteries and any other method to get something for less effort. MLMs ("hey, it's MLM not a pyramid scheme") abound and get pushed at work.

The immediate impression for ang mo is one of general pushiness and lack of courtesy. Queuing is a bit hit and miss. Bus stops are a free for all, lottery ticket queuing is patient and ordered. The Free Fruit table at work turned into a melee of pawed fruit and people leaving with armfuls (some brought bags) despite the 1 piece per person intention [I ended up hanging back and just asked someone leaving with a whole bunch of bananas for one - how kiasu is that?]. The supermarket is Okay although if a new till opens up there'll be a stampede. MRT platforms have lines marked for queues either side of the doors to permit people to exit first but it's poorly heeded and at rush hour you can end up being pushed back on the train. Trying to reserve seats or tables at busy eateries with umbrellas or packets of tissues is another trick.

An interesting side effect is that it works reciprocally; people expect you to push your way though as required, so in elevators, if you are at the back when the doors open, you'd better push your way out or someone playing the control panel like a church organ will have the doors closed on you. I've had people leap in at my destination floor and press the Door Close button before I've even got off. Same with buses & MRT; any notion of having a quick look round to see if someone wants to get past is rare - I've heard people actually complain "Why didn't they get off sooner?". Bus drivers will drive past a bus stop unless someone at the stop makes it pretty clear they want to get on - it really is a Demand Stop system.

Kiasu presumably contributes to the reliance on mobiles and text messages. Customers expect to be able to talk to you anytime (so every meeting is interrupted by someone's mobile) or called back instantly otherwise. Managers expect their staff to behave this way. It sounds like a Customer-Comes-First attitude but I think it's just culturally-validated impatience.

So Singapore is an experiment in interpersonal capitalism. In theory, the pushier people out compete the others, but what if everyone is equally pushy? You would be back to equality of opportunity but with fewer social graces. Hmmm.

Bums on seats, luvvie

An inevitable effect of living in Asian countries is to confirm Westerners have big bums. Asians have narrower average hip widths and hence the compact MRT seats which their molded dimples in a bench design, installed down the sides of train carriages. Anyone sitting there becomes part of a sort of bum-width-analogue-computer. One big bum can be accommodated with a bit of squeezing up and elbow tucking. Two big bums near each other and it gets uncomfortably squashed for most locals.

The prized seats are the end ones (as in Japan) since you only have one neighbour and hence more personal space and half the contact with strangers. It was such an end seat that the amply-proportioned Indian lady spied and determined to settle into. She had the right idea. Approach sideways, slide in and rotate to settle the bum into the seat. All assisted by the colourful, frictionless silk sari. And for a moment, it looked like it had worked with the bum computer re-calculating everyone's position.

And then she released her held breath.

The computer crashed. Without any drama, a traveller a few seats down suddenly decided their stop was coming up and went to stand by the doors creating a gap. The computer rebooted and cultural requirements for personal space were restored. You just don't get this quality of vicarious enterntainment in taxis or cars.